News
THQ DISCOVERS ALIEN PLOT TO DESTROY ALL HUMANS!
Beyond Conspiracy, THQ
and Pandemic Reveal Extraterrestrial Plans To Take "One Giant Step On Mankind"
CALABASAS HILLS, CA, May 5, 2004 – Word reached the highest
levels of THQ Inc. (NASDAQ: THQI) today of a growing alien abduction and world
domination conspiracy tied to a mysterious project ominously titled Destroy All
Humans!TM. In
collaboration with Pandemic Studios, developer of Full Spectrum WarriorTM,
THQ is taking all prudent measures to thwart the invasion, including providing
their unclassified intelligence to local civic organizations and to the
population at large. While teams of top experts are still decrypting fresh
information, THQ's brass has indicated that they believe the Destroy All Humans!
onslaught will strike Sony PlayStation®2
and Microsoft XboxTM
users across the globe in Spring 2005.
"We're in the business of publishing cutting-edge video games, though if you're
at the right place at the right time, you sometimes get a chance to save the
world too," said Peter Dille, Sr. vice president worldwide marketing, THQ. "When
our teams uncovered this scheme to Destroy All Humans!, we felt it our civil
duty to crack the conspiracy and save the planet."
Unnamed sources close to Dille have described Destroy All Humans! as a program
designed by hideous aliens to unleash an intergalactic arsenal of destructive
weapons and frightening psychic powers to subdue their most feared enemy in the
galaxy – Mankind! Specialists at Pandemic who have intercepted and deciphered
several alien transmissions claim the invaders are called 'Furons' and that a
fierce little extraterrestrial warrior named 'Cryptosprodium-137' will carry out
their first reconnaissance mission. His mission is to infiltrate our society,
control us, harvest our brain stems and ultimately destroy us all.
"Scary, when you think about it," comments Pandemic President Josh Resnick,
himself a six-time alien abductee. "I mean, if destroying the earth's cities,
abducting its citizens, and probing their minds to discover human weaknesses
were all just some exciting new blast-happy destruction-fest for my Sony
PlayStation2 or Microsoft Xbox, that would be one thing. But there's much more
to it than that. Once they get you, get inside your mind...well, all I'm saying
is, before they take me next time the least they could do is buy me a drink."
Top officials have promised additional details regarding Destroy All Humans!
will be available at the Electronic Entertainment Expo, May 12-14 at the Los
Angeles Convention Center. Until then, all citizens of Planet Earth are
encouraged to remain calm and report any suspicious activities to their local
THQ or Pandemic office immediately.
About THQ:
THQ Inc. is a leading, worldwide developer and publisher of interactive
entertainment software for a variety of hardware platforms including those
manufactured by Sony Computer Entertainment America Inc., Nintendo and Microsoft
as well as PC CD-ROM and wireless devices. The THQ web site is located at
www.thq.com.
THQ is a registered trademark of THQ Inc.
About Pandemic Studios:
Pandemic Studios, LLC is a premier developer of entertainment for Playstation 2,
Xbox, GameCube, and the PC. Over the last six years, industry veterans Josh
Resnick and Andrew Goldman have built the company into one of the largest
independent developers in the world, with studios in Los Angeles, California and
in Brisbane, Australia. Pandemic games have won numerous awards and have sold
millions of copies worldwide. More information about Pandemic is available at
www.pandemicstudios.com.
del.icio.us
Digg This
Glink It