Let me start by saying this: I have a gambling addiction.  My grandfather taught me how to play poker and blackjack when I was about six, and I've been playing ever since.  I've been going to Las Vegas since I was 15 years old, hitting up the machines as a young tyke and moving to the tables at 19.  Las Vegas has since tightened its policy about minors, thankfully after I turned 21, and I routinely try to make about three trips a year.  I haven't been immune to the poker rubella sweeping the nation, playing in Vegas, various Bay Area casinos, home cash games, and online.  Now I'm not saying I come home with a fat wallet after each trip, but I'm pretty much a break-even kind of guy.

Bicycle Casino from Activision is, to my knowledge, the most complete casino game for a home console.  Granted, there aren't many casino games on consoles, and this is the only one available for the Xbox.  But even without the competition, Bicycle Casino does an ample job with several types of games to play (the box boasts 500 game variations, but they're including the different betting structures) and features, but it does so in a lackluster fashion without any semblance of personality.  Bicycle Casino may have been trying to capture the electric essence of Las Vegas, but they came closer to recreating the depressing atmosphere of a dank Indian Reservation Casino in the middle of nowhere.

The game begins with creating a character profile.  This basically encompasses naming a character and picking and choosing pre-set facial features and articles of clothing to determine your table avatar.  There are a decent amount of options, nothing close to Tiger Woods' Game Face, but about a dozen options in each set of facial features.  After gamers are satisfied with their Franken-gambler, it's time to hit the tables with a $1,000 stake.

Bicycle Casino features several casino games, but the obvious main event is the Texas Hold 'Em feature, popularized by appearing on basic cable 200 times a week.  The game plays similarly to online poker games such as PartyPoker.com or PokerRoom.com.  The table is shown from a third-person overhead view with the dealer's back facing the screen. 

The game is decently paced off-line, with computer AI taking about a full second to make their decisions.  The AI is a bit questionable, as opponents will occasionally see the flop with marginal or bad cards such as J7 off-suit.  Playing the game off-line is akin to playing with average players or even dead money, and that may be good for some people, but poker pros won't find anything too challenging until they play the Hold 'Em feature on Xbox Live.

The Xbox Live portion of the game differs only in the fact that you play human opponents and have voice capabilities.  This is obviously more fun, and seeing how it is the most popular game in Bicycle Casino, there are usually always people playing it online.  A table does not have to be full of live players, as empty spots can be filled with AI-controlled bots.  Human players can join the table and boot the bots, ensuring that a table can always be full of live players. 

Hold 'Em can be played either tournament style or in ring games, and come in both limit and no limit styles.  Sadly, there are no multi-table tournaments.  The single table tournament games are played in a knock-out fashion, with money going to the top three finishers.  In a true move of altruism, there is no rake taken by the house at poker tables.

The other poker games are: Razz, Omaha, Omaha High-Low, 7 Card Stud, 7 Card High-Low, 5 Card Draw, and Lowball.  All follow official casino rules, with the Omaha games and 7 Card Stud also offering no limit games.

The rest of the game is pretty self-explanatory.  There are a wide variety of standard casino games to choose from, and they can be played at various tables each with their own minimum and maximum, so there's no need to go all the way downtown to find the cheaper minimum tables for those with a tight wallet.  Each game can also be played tournament style in a battle to see who can outlast other computer players in a certain amount of rounds.  Whoever has the most money at the end of the last round wins the pot.

Of the casino games, poker, craps, roulette, and pai gow poker are the most interesting, though they have their faults.  The other games, particularly the slot machine games, are a bit disappointing. 

Bicycle Casino does a pretty good job with the dice, clearly explaining what every bet pays off when you roll your cursor over the table.  It can be difficult to pinpoint placing odds as that bet's area seems to be a bit smaller than other betting areas on the table.  And, if you are a high roller like I pretend to be, the game doesn't allow keeping a bet out or "pressing" your bet (taking winnings and betting those on top of the bet you just won), gamblers will have to manually replace their bet.  Maximum odds are a paltry 2x.  Boo!  It's fake money!

The spinning wheel of roulette is pretty much identical to the casino's version in every way except one: the excitement of the spinning wheel and the bouncing ball is all but taken away.  When the wheel spins, a tiny sliver of the wheel is shown in the top right corner of the screen, and it's nearly impossible to tell if your number even has a chance.  A digital read out displays the number before the wheel even comes to a complete stop, deflating any sense of anticipation and excitement.

Pai Gow Poker is a casino game that has risen in popularity in the recent years.  I used to play the game quite a bit, mostly for the slow pace and free booze, and I was pleasantly surprised to see it included in the game.  I won't detail the rules, but I will say it's accurately represented in Bicycle Casino (except for the free booze).  My only beef with this game?  When the cards are dealt, they are dealt in descending order, meaning if you get an Ace first and a 10 second, there's no way you'll be getting anything higher than a 10 in your next five cards.  A wise friend of mine once said the most entertaining part of poker is getting your cards.  Well if you have a general idea of what kind of cards you are going to get, the entertainment value decreases.  Again, the anticipation is completely exhausted, lowering the game's fun factor.

With all the new slot machines in Vegas with various mini-games, like the popular Wheel of Fortune game that allows slot players a chance to spin the wheel for big bucks if the right icon comes on the reel, it's a shame that Bicycle Casino's slots are just plain dull.  No bells or whistles, just pull the reels and hope for cherries, fish, or whatever symbol means cash.  Sadly, no creativity went into these modes.

While the bots can sometimes make certain games more fun (poker for example), they can utterly destroy others.  Take Blackjack for example.  Sitting at a table with a bot that hits on 17 when the dealer has a 5 showing is frustrating.  And when that same bot doesn't double down on 11 with the dealer showing a 4, you want to leap across the table and smack the virtual reality out of it.  There's no way to play at a table solo unless you jump on Xbox Live and start a table without bots. 

One other problem with the game is gamblers can't choose their seat.  If you prefer to play first base or third base (first or last to receive cards), you're better off putting on a baseball glove and going to your local baseball diamond and waiting for a baseball game to break out.  In Bicycle Casino, you're permanently playing second base.

With the limited movement and static backgrounds, one would hope for some impressive graphics.  Unfortunately, this isn't the case.  And while it's really the gameplay that should be the main focus for gambling games, the weak graphics occasionally ruin the gameplay.  The cards or bets can be hard to see at times, so get your bifocals out.  Each character has several emotes to choose from, from happy to sad to the mildly entertaining drunk, but it can be difficult to tell which is which.  Is my avatar really happy or did he just sneeze?  The subtlety of the emotes kind of defeats their purpose.  There is some full-motion video as the background for some of the menus which is cool, but that's about it.

Bicycle Casino is best played with the sound off.  The audio is seriously reminiscent of the old Commodore 64 days.  It's almost as if they resurrected the dude who did the Gauntlet voices ("Elf needs food… badly!") to do the bot voices.  Charlie Brown's teacher has more emotion than these guys.  And if a bot is pissed off because he busted, maybe he shouldn't have hit on 17.  Looking for that satisfying ping of money hitting the tin on the slots?  Get a can of quarters and a pot ready, because they're not here.  Throw on a CD and ignore the sound.  Activision, this is an Xbox game, how about a little customizable soundtrack?

I realize I'm nit-picking here with the game's faults, but it's important to realize that certain features aren't included (although they may be features most people don't care about).  While Bicycle Casino will prepare some people for a trip to Vegas, it doesn't cover all the nuances.

Gameplay: 7.5

Obviously the main draw with this game is the Texas Hold 'Em feature, and Bicycle Casino does it just fine.  Small problems plague the rest of the games, and AI weakness is prevalent everywhere, but overall it's the best casino game on the Xbox.  Oh yeah, it's the only one.

Graphics: 5.5

Mediocre… VERY mediocre.

Sound: 4.0

Less than mediocre… WAY less than mediocre.  Are the bots underwater?  Are they using one of those voice boxes smokers use?  Are they ALL depressed?  They sure sound like it…

Difficulty: N/A

Most of the games are fairly simple, and the game does do a good job of explaining each game with tips on how to maximize your odds.

Concept: 8.0

Hey – give Activision credit for trying to cash in on the poker craze.  Also, who would have expected Pai Gow Poker or Razz to be included in the game? 

Multiplayer: 9.0

If you haven't played online poker, you haven't lived.  With voice chat on Xbox Live, Hold 'Em is very entertaining.  However, the game is strictly single-player offline.  Too bad, because some craps or blackjack tournaments with buddies would have been fun.

Overall: 6.5

Just about every single point goes towards the poker features, particularly over Xbox Live, but some of the other games do offer a bit of entertainment.  Bicycle Casino is a great way to brush up on your casino skills and familiarize yourself with casino games, but it's easy to feel like a big spender when you're betting with fake money.