Metal Slug 3

Whether you like it or not, you won't quit.  It's like trying to sit at the dinner table for thirty minutes without finishing the apple pie.  You can tell your grandma, "No, I won't eat it, I swear!"  But when you get up to leave that pie will leave with you -- lying at the bottom of your stomach.

The reason: despite being an excruciating exercise in exasperation, Metal Slug 3 is just about perfect.  It's the most intense experience I've ever had with a 2D action game.  It's also the hardest.

Metal Slug 3 will instantly appease fans of the series, and it's doubtful that it will have any trouble winning over newcomers.  For one thing, it's the first non-3D game developed that truly belongs in the second dimension.  You can tell that it was designed as a brand-new title from the ground up.  Lots of time, hard work and dedication went into designing the intricate, multiple path levels.  The controls could only have been perfected after hours of programming and severe beta testing.  Even in the most treacherous parts of the game they never fail.  You might fail.  You might screw up.  You might feel like you don't have a prayer when eight missiles are coming at you, each one from a different direction.  It takes a lot of thought, a lot of timing, and a speed comparable to Superman to be able to beat this game.

The gameplay is extremely varied, including more ways to play than any side-scroller released in the past five years.  None of the characters are capable of swimming, so they'll need a submarine when battling underwater.  Once the submarine is destroyed (and believe me, it will be destroyed), a fish bowl will be strapped onto your head before heading out into the depths of the ocean.  Are you scared?  You should be.  While the underwater levels are not as terminal as the rest, they can be quite beastly, especially when you don't have a submarine to block enemy fire.

This brings up an interesting point: Metal Slug 3 does not give you a life meter.  You get one hit per life, and the default setting limits you to three lives.  You can upgrade this to five, and I recommend that you do so before playing through the game for the first time.  This means that, at best, you can get sliced, fried, shot at, blown up, or drown a total of five times.  When you die you're screwed.  The game is short but you'd never know it when you lose all your lives and find yourself back at the beginning of the stage.  There are no check points, no save slots.  Once you reach a level you can access it at any time from the main menu screen, but you must always start at the beginning.  This makes it extremely difficult to beat the levels, all of which take more than five lives to beat.

How can you finish the game then?  Practice, practice, practice.  Ignore the headaches and tough it out.

Why would you want to?  Why would anyone ever want to "tough it out"?  Simply put, the game won't have it any other way.  Once I started running and shooting I just couldn't stop.  No, really, I mean I couldn’t stop.  To the point where it could have been perceived as being unhealthy for me to continue.  I was filled with nothing but rage toward the game and all its difficulties.  But did I stop playing?  The answer is obvious.

I love all of the exploration elements.  I love how, depending on which path you take, you can acquire different vehicles, fight different enemies, and get an entirely different experience.

The first level is an excellent example of this.  You have three paths to choose: one is straightforward (get from point A to point B).  Another sends you underwater for the first time, and the third one lets you ride a boat through enemy territory.

In the next stage, you'll encounter a bunch of vomit-spitting zombies.  Get hit by the vomit and you'll be transformed into a zombie.  As a zombie you can walk into battle, get shot a million times and NOT die!  It's pretty awesome while fighting humans, but it's a deathtrap while fighting other zombies.  Once zombie-fied, getting hit with vomit results in an instant death.

Besides the submarine, Metal Slug 3 includes a jet, a tank, a helicopter, a mobile suit, and even an elephant!  Those are the most prominent, but you'll find other vehicles in the game as well.

For all its frustrations, Metal Slug 3 does nearly everything right.  The game pushes all of your buttons, but only enough to make you break a controller, yank out some hairs, or defenestrate the plastic case that it came in.  I chose to keep a cardboard box handy.  Whenever I'd lose, I'd take the controller, raise it above my head and slam it down on the cardboard box.  The loud noise of the box was somewhat soothing at a time when all I felt was tension.  All I felt was disgust for what had just happened.  I am a human being – how can this game expect me to be perfect?

That's the game's biggest secret.  It makes you think you must be perfect, when in actuality there is method to all of the madness.  A big part of the fun is figuring it all out.

Gameplay: 9
To sum things up: the levels are so complex, each one has a learning curve of no less than thirty minutes!  It'll take you at least that long just to make it to the end.  There's no way you'll be able to beat the end boss without having at least a few extra lives, not to mention the advantage of knowing what's going to happen.  You won't at first.  This game will put you through a lot.  And I wouldn't have it any other way.

Graphics: 8
Simple at times, beautiful at others, Metal Slug 3 has some of the most impressive 2D effects the gaming world has ever seen.

Sound: 7
Retro all the way.  The music and sound effects are reminiscent of the early years of gaming.

Difficulty: TORTURE!
Like I said, this is the best nightmare you'll ever.  But a nightmare is still a nightmare.  Metal Slug 3 is not for weak players.

Concept: 9
Brilliant game design all the way around.  Unique vehicles, a great weapon selection, and a difficulty that's insanely tough without being cheap.  The level designs are great, too.

Multiplayer: 8.5
Two-player co-op for you and a friend!  Play through the entire arcade version with a partner.  Does it make it easier?  You’d think so…

Overall: 8.5
I hesitated to give this game an 8.5.  I thought, "Well, it's so frustrating, maybe it deserves a..."  In the end I realized that no other frustrating game has given me so much enjoyment.  In terms of frustration without being cheap, Metal Slug 3's closest competitor is an ancient PSone game called Einhander.  I gave up on that game almost immediately.  It just wasn't worth it.  Metal Slug 3, however, was worth every second of my time.  It's a true, unbeatable classic that ranks up there with the best games the 16-bit era had to offer.