Army Men: Sarge's War

I’ve played every single Army Men game there ever was.  My willingness to continue playing them is more of an uncontrollable addiction for self-inflicted torture than just being a fan-boy.  Okay, okay…maybe torture is too strong a word.  But its safe to say that Army Men should have stuck to the RTS genre.  3DO, the original developers of the series, recently shut down.  Now, Global Star Software is doing its best to raise this franchise from the grave.  Army Men:  Sarge’s War attempts to offer XBOX gamers a taste of the Army Men series, but the cluttered 3^rd-person shooter genre and the aged concept of little green soldiers makes this game nothing special.

You take on the role of Sarge, the lead squad commander of the Green Army with a love for heavy combat and cigars.  After a long-going, bitter hostility between them and the Tan Army, both sides seemed ready to settle their differences peacefully.  However, an independent faction of the Tan Army is marching to the beat of another drummer.  Colonel Malice and his band of rogue soldiers set up a trap during the peace agreements that leaves a smoldering field of debris and melted plastic everywhere.  Now, it’s up to Sarge to finish that Tan resistance and to avenge the deaths of his men.

A one-man-war-machine like Sarge isn’t as cool as it sounds.  First off, the gameplay can be pretty boring.  A very linear mission-based game like this just doesn’t cut it anymore and the simplicity of combat is unimpressive.  I pressed through the game way too quickly, and it left me feeling very unsatisfied.  The controls are difficult to grasp.  For example, unlike most shooters, you won’t be firing your weapons with the R trigger.

It really is hard to remember a lot of the features in the game because it’s just so forgettable.  There is no strategy to follow while in game.  To make your gameplay even more simplified, an auto-aimer that targets close enemies was implemented.  If you are like me, you prefer doing things for yourself than relying on the auto-aimer (which is just as likely to miss your target as to hit).  The multiplayer modes are subpar, offering a limited number of gameplay possibilities and maps.  And XBOX Live subscribers should save their money; you can’t even play online.

There was a time when game graphics like this pushed the limits.  But this game isn’t available on the PSX and just looks old-fashioned with the technologically superiority of the XBOX.  It is cool that Sarge looks like a block of swiss cheese after being shot by Tan soldiers, but the bland level design, character models, and animation bombs the grade.  I’ll admit the Sarge sounds like a badass but the recycled sound effects and music does little to impress.

If you are an Army Men fan, it won’t hurt to give this one a try.  If you are a wary gamer looking for a fun 3^rd-person shooter to fill the time, I’d recommend passing on Sarge’s War.

Gameplay: 5.8
Besides being a bit boring, its fairly simplistic in action.

Graphics: 6.2
Blasting holes through soldiers is great, but everything else falls short.

Sound: 7
For a military game, the sound just doesn't cut it.

Difficulty: Medium

Concept: 5.8
Little green army men that walk, talk, and battle.  Somehow, its not as awe-inspiring today as it was 6 years ago.

Multiplayer: 6

Sarge's War offers a "ho-hum" singleplayer mode, little can be expected from its multiplayer gameplay.

Overall: 6
Even I can admit it: Its time to end the Army Men franchise.